This Moment

with everything she's hoped for- planned for-
accomplished and gained-
she finally comes up for air-
stops drowning her soul in the dark waters
of her spirit-
gills don't come easily to lungs
sentenced to a prison unspent- unspun-
and uncared for.
she never felt that way- she knew he loved her-
knew that the scars upon her arms
were her own fault- her own sense of freedom-
she always had this will about her-
the fire of her being was so strong- consumed most of her
before she learnt how to reign it-
how to create magic
and lessons that won't be forgotten-
she forgets a lot- doesn't know where she's been-
has images burnt through her- she has some idea
of the horrors she's painted- the hearts she used and mistreated-
those ideas don't end.
she still has the nightmares- the rape that never happened-
she doesn't know whether or not to believe herself.
but doesn't have the strength to deal with her past- her soul anymore.
it doesn't matter where she's landed. dragged her feet-
left her claw marks- at least she fought the whole way-
wouldn't take depression down with her- wouldn't be caught
in the deeds- the positions that she had to complete.
they've never won her heart they way her spirit has.
and that's all she's done. that's all she's been through- nothing
except this moment- this shard of glass
that's stuck right through her.
she's here- and she's alright-
it's just kinda sad that the story doesn't end that way-
with her in love
and her better within herself-

she still has no idea- is wading within her own blood
trying to make some sense of it all- asking questions
she'll never get answer for.

-a.