i wonder - now-
if things could have been different,

if i had made different choices
would i still be the same?
stubborn to no end
and never knowing the way?

i find it easier to stumble in the dark
than to search for the light switch
earth
winter
and the fiery deaths that i've endured.

don't feel sorry for me.
i just wonder if i've finally made it.

finally made it to that space.
that spot that i so ferociously planned to reach.

laughter rings through the forests
and i look up-
not knowing if that's the past
or me
shaking my head at all this mess.
at all of me.

-a.