The seeds that you planted over my grave
many many years ago, have now started to bloom-
small fireflies that you promised, now slowly coming to life in the night.
And i’m left in a pause. A small eclipse of darkness, or is it just evening again?
i can’t seem to remember and i can’t seem to forget.
The coffee in my blue mug is cold and i rummage around for some tea-
Something to comfort my soul.
All those years ago, you stumbled upon me. The rock that i had thrown onto the path,
it collided with your world somehow, and i don’t even know which rock it was.
i had thrown so many back then-
had to race to get them all out of my house. Stones that would eventually turn against me
the nights that all too often fought back against me.
Turns out, it could have been me that was my own worst enemy-
but i never stuck around to finish that story.
And this is the realest thing that i’ve ever meant- the siren call of my soul.
I wish i would have paused more often to hear it, because even back then- moons ago-
even through the time and distance and continent that separated us-
you saw me.
And i have inboxes and pages full of poetry to show me, but there has never been any doubt.
These fireflies blooming right now are little pieces of sparkle,
little stones that remind me that i am a poet. Born and condemned-
and maybe it’s time to stop running away-
maybe it’s time to throw off these careerist shoes and pause to remember that small girl
in the basement apartment who didn’t know much-
but knew she had to write. And like an addiction, she would fill up her coffee pot,
and unleash onto pages, the blood of the stones around her. And like an unexpected grave,
you stumbled upon me and found me. Spent hours talking and listening
and doing the unimaginable- reaching across a country to touch me, so very tenderly.
so lovingly.
i tucked you away into my aorta- and the left ventricle of my heart. Your love became me.
You became a part of my blood stream, and even though i grew and learned to stop throwing stones-
i never grew away from your love.
Every night i have been attending our garden on the moon,
picking small moments like flowers
and knowing with every cell of my being that you are with me. And i am there with you.
time and depth and life and graves are not anything relevant in my home. All you’ll find is a small cat,
my dog. And my love for you.
There is nothing and then there is forever. I throw a stone tonight into the small pond of my soul-
i want to see the ripples as they reach out to you-
reaching you and fading away into the evening breeze.
Can you feel me blackwater star? I am curling up on your lap like a small soft kitten,
waiting for you patiently, and loving you without limit.