there's an excitement
a pause of anticipation
beginnings started
where no beginning should have been
but then- i have never been good at rules
so this is all pretty predictable
except for the day-
the sun. heat.
the nervous terror
that pulsated through my body.
you told me jump
and i refused
but maybe you aren't good at obeying
'cause you made me.
falling in such control
slowly towards you.
safe. and scary.
desire burning deep
and i realize the wall
has been torn
heart still somewhat hidden
but beating. alive. wanting.
awake.
i'm smiling
which isn't strange
but the dreams of expected snow
are a bit startling.
wondering if that stone will be thrown-
wondering if this scar
will disappear.

-a.