your memory isn't devastating
but i'm guessing that's because you haven't left me yet-
haven't had the moment of no return
where my heart jumps from my throat
to the floor of your condo
and refuses to leave.
i've felt it-
begin the climb up my digestive system
but have been able to clamp down
bite my tongue
and cut into myself-
bring myself back to a bit of reality.
one where your past does lay plainly
in the line of sight of your future.
and you haven't begun painting yet-
i don't know if that merits stones
for my side of things.
but still, i'll return your call
when i don't have the chance to answer.
and find my lips in a smile
if they ever have a chance to capture.
and i know that i couldn't begin to offer
more than what's already been laid at your feet,
but i will promise to be me-
and will silently know that's more than you deserve
even when you open that door
and beg me to stay anyway.