there's this spark
that i have taken.
made my own. found my home.
and inside this fire.
i stand. alone. within myself.
within hundreds. i know you.
know the way you bend and move
because i have lived it before. i see that
thought in your eyes. that fire
that you so desperately want to hide
and i find myself dancing for you.
becoming who you want me to be
all the while my mind screaming
that you are not who i want. you won't let me
be me. you don't understand
and don't even know that you can't comprehend
what i'm saying to you.
so tonight
when i open my wounds to you.
show you my forearms.
you don't ask. or beg. or even start to listen-
instead, you speak. you try advice
and you manipulate my words
into something you can relate to.
forget it.
this isn't a rush.
isn't a secret.
this is just me saying that i see you.
i see me and i'm tired of this all.
tired of the self that's sitting back and is aware of this.
aware that the footprints placed will lead somewhere.
and i'm exhausted. i'm torn apart
and the pieces are still there.
still here
and i'm just going to put myself together again.
alone
because you're just going to sit there
and think that you did something right tonight.
that you fixed my broken heart
and mended the sore that caused these tears to fall.

and now i'm left speechless.
having wanted you to understand.
to just listen to my spaces and the sighs between words.
i had thought that you would.
might be.

turn around.
i'm forgotten and weary
and not needing anymore of your light.
your love.

it only reaches the surface
and i want more.

-a.