I’m not that gurl
I’m not that gurl
I’m not that gurl-
I repeat it like a mantra.
Like it’s a small thread
That will keep me away from that edge
Away from the beds
That created me that gurl
That I need not to be.
Or so I’m told.

Truth is,
I kind of admire her.
Her lack of ambition
And her ability to get there.
Swimming between layers of sheets
She never seemed to forget
Each lie- each story
So carefully told-
Committed to a part of her memory
That didn’t have to be fed
With sincerity.

Starving the rest of her
She was a star in the lives of others
Dancing
And always beginning
When their ends seemed so inevitable-
She loved but gave them nothing,
Being the stone-

I eventually stepped over myself.
Came back into the light,
Found that day didn’t hold anything for me.
But everyone expected it to,
And I was tired of letting them find disappointment.