I wish I could say
That I found you-
That I love you
But tonight you and I would both know
That it’s all a lie
Because tonight is not about
Questions or perspectives
Or even about whether or not
We both want to commit to this-
It’s a loss
Of perspective
And just a few moments
In another’s skin-
As you touch me
I’m not certain about anything-
Not even my name
Or if there’s any enjoyment in this

I can’t tell if you’re cold
Or unfeeling
Or if you’re falling in love

And afterward as we’re picking
Up our clothes
I feel this tug- this desire to be held.
Cuddling into you
And this sense of unknown
As if it would help me
Find myself- the self
That was so present moments ago-
The self
That lingered upon your skin
With no sense of words
And no need for explanation.

The fantasy of it all
Becoming real
And I, somehow, want it
To be more
Than the shadows
And casual goodnight.